Guidelines
By · CommentsPlease read these notes for use and guidelines. To make a comment, click on title of the article Read More→
Serene Observation
By · CommentsThis is the final article in a series of three, outlining some of the key concepts I use in the Virtual Balance personal development programme. The first, ‘Virtually Balanced’, explored the idea of “balance”, and the second was all about “simplicity”. This last one will look at the idea of “serene observation”.
Have you ever tried the yoga practice of observing your own breathing? It’s more difficult than it sounds but gives a sense of peace, quiet and serenity that’s worth the effort.
Something like that is also possible in daily life. The next time you have to deal with an infuriating, incompetent, apathetic “customer service” person, just try and step back a little. Observe their attitude with some detachment, if you can. See that their lack of understanding is due to the poor training they have had, their lack of interest is because they have three other lights flashing on their phone. Even more difficult, observe your own reaction: is it proportionate to the annoyance you’re suffering? Is your rising blood pressure solely due to this incident? What’s really going on in your head?
Like many people, I believe passionately in my own world view, and find it difficult to understand why other people don’t see things the same way. On emotional subjects like abortion or on religious or political questions, it is not easy to accept that other people think differently and have just as much right to their opinion as you have to yours. Try to be still and observe the fact that you are one of the 86% of people who think the moon is made of green cheese. You don’t have to persuade the 14% who think it’s dust and rock, leave them to their illusion!
Of course there are times and places where you should argue for your point of view, where it is right and proper to stand up for your beliefs. The political argument that’s been going on, on Twitter and netmums and the political parties’ own websites since the election has been forceful, sometimes bitter, sadly sometimes a bit personal. But everyone is passionately engaged in the debate, and that, I think, is better than apathy.
However it isn’t necessary to have an opinion on everything, and it isn’t necessary to react to everything that happens around you. Instead of getting hot and bothered by other people’s viewpoints, try this phrase: “We’ll have to agree to disagree.” Observe your difference. Accept it. Move on.
Stepping back from a situation and observing it is not easy but it is worth the effort to improve the way you get on with people and bring you peace of mind. It is a key concept in the Virtual Balance experience which starts with an in-depth analysis of the client’s life. This is easier to do under the sympathetic but non-judgemental guidance which I give to my clients, rather than attempting to achieve the necessary objectivity by yourself.
I believe anybody can change: I am here to help, but accepting the challenge is up to you. If you’re ready to accept the challenge, contact me now.
Work is Fun!
By · CommentsAs regular readers will know, I have been doing some research into work-life balance and the way people feel about their work. The research is now complete and published.[1]
There were three things that struck me about the results: First of all, work is fun! Secondly, by far the overwhelming majority of people work unpaid overtime on a weekly basis, and thirdly, “your favourite sports team winning” was consistently rated as not important to people’s happiness. In fact, not one of the men rated this item at all. Perhaps that’s just as well, given England’s dismal start in the World Cup!
When respondents were asked to rate different events as more or less likely to contribute to their happiness, 82% classed “completing a work task successfully” as “absolutely essential” to their happiness. This was only topped by “enjoying a book, film or TV programme” at 83% and was ahead of “spending time with your significant other” at 73%. So it seems true to say that work is fun! This was the intuitive feeling of people who responded to my original article about “Balance” which sparked this research, so it was not entirely unexpected.
What came as more of a surprise to me was the amount of unpaid overtime we are all doing. I had really expected that business owners and directors would work a lot of hours outside the normal nine-to-five, but almost as many employees answering the survey replied that they too worked unpaid overtime. (I defined “unpaid overtime” as going in early, working late, working at home at the weekend, or answering work phone calls whilst on holiday.)
Even so, by far the biggest majority of respondents said they thought their working hours were “reasonable” (43%) or “fair” (29%). If my survey is typical, then I think we should be really pleased. I don’t know if it’s the European Working Time Directive, or the insistence on family-friendly working practices in recent years, but it does appear that workers are content with their lot. The picture that emerges is of a happy workforce, aware of the importance of work-life balance and feeling that they have got it!
However, if you know someone who doesn’t feel this way, just refer them to me and a few Virtual Balance sessions[2] will put them right. 
[1] Click here for Squidoo lens with survey findings
Keep It Simple, Stupid!
By · CommentsThis is the second of a series of three articles outlining some of the key concepts I use in the Virtual Balance personal development programme. The first, ‘Virtually Balanced’, explored the idea of “balance”, this one is all about “simplicity” and the last will look at the idea of “serene observation”.
Simplicity is itself a far from simple concept. The word “simple” can mean easy to understand or honest and open. It can mean undecorated or unadulterated: in advertising, it conjures up a picture of a pure, clean, wholesome product . In my youth it was a common term for someone with learning difficulties, often kindly meant but not really acceptable for people who are just as complex as anybody else.
In Virtual Balance work, we are looking for simplicity of analysis, of speech, and of action.
In my analysis, I prefer to accept a simple explanation of behaviour rather than digging into the subconscious or interpreting dreams. I am not a therapist and if a client wants this kind of interaction then I will gladly help them find someone who can provide it. Of course we all need help from time to time in coming to terms with experiences we have had before we can move on and sometimes just having someone to talk to can be enough. But “moving on” is the key next step and my attitude is that, whatever may be the reason for the way you are, you’re a grown-up now and need to take responsibility for how you live.
By “simplicity of speech” I mean being straighforward and honest in what you say rather than the form of words you use. I am not a Christian, but I do like this from St James: “let your yea be yea and your nay, nay” (James 5.12) This was written in the context of taking oaths, which James considered was “asking for trouble” (I paraphrase!) But I think they are good advice at all times.
If you mean yes, say yes. Don’t beat about the bush and leave people in doubt as to your meaning. If you mean no, say no. Don’t make excuses: this can be a big mistake. If you say “I can’t go, I can’t afford the train fare”, what do you say when the other person offers to pay it for you?
In so many situations using manipulative techniques to get what you want is, unfortunately, unavoidable but I really do not think it is a good way to live. My grand-children know that the way to get treats from me is not to wheedle or pester but just to ask for what they want. They’ll either get it or they won’t, but even the youngest knows it’s best to use the direct approach with me! Try it: it won’t always work, but you may be surprised by the reaction you get when you just ask people for what you want from them.
Simplicity in action means not complicating your life, not inventing unnecessary routines and rituals, not doing what everyone else does just because everyone else does it. It means taking a look at what you do and deciding what is worth keeping and what should be discarded. It means taking responsibility and making your own decisions. It may seem a little harsh, but the fact is I don’t plan to spend much of our time together “motivating” you. I will help and encourage you and suggest ways you might change what you do, but it’s up to you to make it happen.
I believe a balanced life is possible for anyone accepting the challenge of change: are you ready yet to accept that challenge?
Top Ten Tips for Public Speaking
By · CommentsWasn’t that exciting? The British General Election, I mean: if you’re outside the UK, you’ve missed a treat. Even the President of the United States was reduced to looking on in wonder.
Now that the dust has settled, and whatever we think about the outcome, the serious business of government has to begin. Not only in Parliament, but in Council chambers all through the land there are new Members looking forward to getting their hands on the levers of power.
But first: the Maiden Speech. Whether you’re a Parish Councillor or an MP, the Father of the Bride or the new curate, making your first speech in unfamiliar surroundings is daunting. So for all of you, I offer my top ten tips for public speaking:
1. Stand Up!
Circumstances may dictate whether you stand or sit: in Parliament the rule is that you must be standing. If you have a choice, always stand, however embarrassing it may seem.
2. Speak Up!
Speak clearly: speak to the person right at the back of the audience and check if they look as though they can hear you. If you are to use a sound system, try to practice first.
3. Shut Up!
When you’ve said what you have to say, shut up! Don’t waffle and try to make it spin out because you feel you’re not speaking for as long as other people.
4. Be Informed
The House of Commons has a charming tradition that the Maiden Speech is about your constituency, which you will know like the back of your hand, having just fought an election there. Make sure you know your subject matter well whenever you speak.
5. Be Prepared
Rehearse and time your speech in front of a sympathetic friend or even the mirror. Try to make sure you’re familiar with the venue, the sound system and the audience before you make your first contribution. Have everything you need – notes, glasses, tissues and don’t forget what your mum always told you: ‘go’ before you go!
6. Be Confident
Use whatever props you need – have your notes easily readable, maybe on index cards, maybe in big print on paper. If you’re using an autocue, make sure you have practised first. I was privileged to see the late Benezir Bhutto in person, and she read her speeches from a prepared text. So don’t be afraid to do the same: but if you do, don’t forget to look up at the audience from time to time.
7. Breathe
Yes, it sounds easy now, but wait till you get up there with everyone looking at you! Making a speech is a bit like singing, you have to fit in the breathing in with the words. There’s no rush: speak slower than you think is natural and if you get scared, take a deep breath.
8. Relax
And this sounds hard, I know. Physically relax just before it’s your turn to speak. Stretch your toes out and relax them, stretch your arms and hands and relax again, take deep breaths. Obviously don’t make a spectacle of yourself, be discreet!
9. Connect
Whether you’re in the Council chamber or making an after-dinner speech, try to make eye contact with members of your audience. Hopefully somebody will be listening and looking at you. Speak to that person, even try a little smile if you can manage it; though I wouldn’t recommend a wink for your first time.
10. Enjoy!
You might not believe you could ever enjoy this ordeal, but trust me, in time you will. The back-and-forth between speaker and audience, the applause, the laughter, even the heckling! For now, just enjoy the fact that it’s over. Well Done!
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